Things I Learn from Working in Retail

Customer quotes of the day:

“That’s why I need some iron, in really deficient today.”

“I just don’t know how [the picture] will come out, with it being plasticized.”

For those at home, plasticized is customer lingo for “laminated”.

Rebranding

If you haven’t noticed (which I’m sure you haven’t), this Tumblr has really seen the lack of light lately as far as activity. Due to the second (and more worked) job, I am only on the retail scene about 13 hours a week. And I’ll be honest: I spend more of that 13 hours talking and doing nothing to actually have time to blog (or work with customers to have something to blog about).

As a result, a few ideas have been considered for the direction of this blog. Even when I worked in retail 30+ hours a week, I would occasionally see something worth blogging about in the world of retail or shopping in general - but I wasn’t on the job. When this blog started, I strictly wanted it to be posts from the job site only, even if they were very hard to relate to the job itself. So rarely did I post when not at work, even if I forgot to post something that I found humorous or worth posting, and the “moment” had passed.

Considering the present circumstances though, I’m thinking about rebranding this blog and creating an overall “Things I Learn from Having a Job and Being a Consumer” blog. This would allow me to discuss thoughts, anecdotes and ideas that come to me outside of the workplace and while at my second job (though don’t count on me posting a lot while on the clock there). It would also allow me to essentially practice what I want to be for a career.

Studying marketing in college, I’ve had a desire to be the “consumers’ face” for a company; that is, being the person someone refers to when discussing “This Company” or “That Company”. I would blog about the company’s doings, the recent developments in products or services, tips for our consumers, etc. I would essentially serve to be not just a P.R. specialist, but a troubleshooter, walking advertisement, voice, and set of ears for the company. If consumers had a problem, they’d talk to me. If consumers had a request, they’d talk to me. I’d do my best to respond to each and every one of them, whether my inbox had 50 or 5,000 messages.

Anyway, instead of further delving into my aspirations, I’m just going to say that this blog is going through an overhaul. The look (as of right now) has no plans of changing. The aesthetics have worked thus far, and can still for the time being (it’s not like I’m Gap or anything). But if you (you being my Facebook friends and whatever Twitter people actually click on those links) read this in the future and wonder what happened.. well, now you know.

And if you have any suggestions, thoughts, wishes, anything at all, let me know. If you want to talk about your experiences, let me know. If you want to tell me how much I suck, let me know. If you want to tell me how you hate the fact you found this blog when Googling for answers to your take home quiz, let me know.

I’ll be happy to respond to you :)

Just saw an old man kicking a piece of trash down an aisle like a kid kicking a can down the street.

I can only hope I’m that spunky when I’m 70 years old.

I’ve realized that people aren’t giving handicapped stickers because they’re handicapped. They’re given handicapped stickers because they can’t park.

And for your Daily Dose of Dumb for the Day:

Customer: “So if I want to edit and magnify a picture do I.. Just push the ‘Magnify and Edit’ button and that’s all?”

I’m 99.997% certain that some of the really dumb customers are just acting dumb to fuck with me.

Like a van just stops in our parking lot and drops off these great actors and say, “Hey, see that fat redheaded kid? Go play dumb. Act like you can’t follow basic instructions. And throw a little hearing disability in there and make him repeat himself. Not by, you know, asking him to actually say something again. I mean ask him a question, then ask the same question again seconds later.”

Take a minute to think about all the conversations you’ve had at work the past couple days.

Now take the few seconds it requires to think about only the meaningful ones.

I don’t know which type of customer o dislike most: the young teenager who appears to be buying something for the first time ever, the middle-aged woman who deems it necessary to fill you in on the reason behind every purchase she is making, or the bitter old guy fucks who are unappreciative of my eyes being better than his and able to see what kind of battery he needs for his watch.

Hey, guy, sorry if we only have the double pack of Energizer 377 batteries. I agree “ih dohne may no cent ta buy two if ya owny hah two watchies.” Except I’d pronounce it much, much better than that.

You don’t get asked by a former starting fullback for a professional football team where the pregnancy tests are every day.

What did you get asked today?

Actual conversation that just took place in our stockroom:

Co-worker: “Is the new girl hired for cosmetics or up front?”

Manager: “Up front. She’s too young for cosmetics.”

Co-worker: “You have to be too young to work in cos-?”

Me: “Yes, too young. Not old enough.”

Co-worker: “You know what I meant.”

Manager: “Well, she doesn’t have the experience. We could train her though I suppose..”

Me: “Oh, I’ll make her experienced.”

Co-worker: “Oh that was creepy. She’s sixteen.”

Me: “Yeah. And?”

Pause.

Manager: “Yeah.. She is a cutie.”

Co-worker: “Oh, is she?”

Manager: “Yeah.. She’s my great niece.”

Me: “Uhh..”

Awkward pause.

Me: “I’m sorry.”

It kinda grosses me out when the toilet seat is warm when you sit down in a cold bathroom.

Where’s the manager!? They need to see this!

I’m working without being asked!

I’m so freaking pissed. I’m actually working at work. What the fuck.